June 2021: Spaciousness
In our visioning this spring, the word Spaciousness stood out to me. While the concept of Spaciousness is new to my experience, it has now become a welcome guest in my life.
Like most Americans, my drug of choice was to go-go-go and do-do-do, so I never had a moment of white space to face anything. This was certainly not a conscious choice. It was probably just the natural outpicturing of being conditioned in the Puritan work ethic which says if you’re not busy and miserable, you’re doing it wrong. So for me, life was all about the nose to the grindstone, giving 110%, blood from a stone paradigm, nothing particularly unusual for a working mom who does it all.
I was also raised to justify my worth by what I accomplished, so accomplish I did, as a school teacher, wife, church volunteer, and super mom! I did it all, nonstop, for almost two decades, until I hit the wall at work, at home, and in myself. I was constantly on the run and had turned into Shrek everyday, not just after sunset...LOL. Maybe you’ve already had this experience. I think of it as a reckoning. That moment when I didn’t even recognize myself, didn’t like who I had become, didn’t think I could go on even another minute like that. I was finally RAW: (R)eady, (A)ble, and (W)illing, to make a change. That’s when the Universe said, “Yes, my beloved. I will make that true for you,” and a new career landed in my lap; a job that offered the spaciousness I needed to honestly face myself and take my life back.
Space to face life...that’s the key. And face it I did: the work crisis, the medical crisis, the marital crisis, and the financial crisis that characterized my life at the time. And while it has taken four years, now I am out on the other side of each of those crises, and for that truth I am grateful. I honor the importance of spaciousness in my life and literally schedule it on my calendar. I still don’t recognize myself, but in a good way, because now I like who I have become.
My key takeaway here: Living at this pace, I have the space to face the world with grace. I can be responsive, not reactive. I can come from a place of consciousness, not conditioning. I can hear the still, small voice because I can be still now. I can choose, speak, and act from my Truth. With spaciousness in my life, I can continue to align with the Divine that is the Presence and Power within. Instead of my arrows going every which way, they all go in one direction, and there are not so many of them, just a few. This paring down to essentials has increased the potency of what I am choosing for my life.
The Albuquerque Center for Spiritual Living seems to have experienced a similar occurrence. The relentless pace of too many arrows in too many directions and the resulting crisis that led to the paring down into essentials has resulted in a reconnecting with the spaciousness of the Divine in each other. This is a good place to be: a sustainable, life-affirming place. ABQ-CSL has the spaciousness now to choose, speak, and act from Truth, and to be responsive, relevant, and powerful in this moment. We are holding the space for grace as we share this journey. In this space, we can truly become Love In Action together.
-Rev. Kamatara Johnson